The Unstable Emotion

Sometimes we ask: "Why I feel frustrated?". Quran answered: "So lose not heart, Nor fall into despair: For ye must gain mastery If ye are true in Faith." (Surah Aal-Imran, 3 : Verse 139)

Sending Message

Yesterday night, before the azan for Isyak prayer, I sent a message to Azlan, Nadzmi, Qamarul and Amir Hakim. The message is:

Wahai manusia yang berakal, esok kita akan menghadapi fasa kedua peperangan yang besar ini. Persiapkanlah mentalmu, kerana fasa kali ini lebih berat dan menyeksakan. Ingatlah akan janji Allah bagi mereka yang bersabar...

Translation: O men of understanding, tomorrow we will face the second phase of this big war. Please preapre your mental, because this phase is heavier and more unbearable. Remember what have God promised to those who are being patient...

Then I got the reply from three of them.

Amir: Perjuangan menyiapkan nota Fizik (The struggle finishing Physics note)
Azlan and Nadzmi: Peperangan apa? (What war?)

Oh, you still could not get what I mean?

Receiving Exams Papers (I)

Since these last four weeks (including the previous two weeks) is the exam season, so it is a natural to receive our exam papers back. The first exam paper I received was Chemistry, with the marks of 71% (3B). Out of my expectation, achieving my target.

The second paper was Physics, but I have unclear information about my marks, since I claimed a few marks, and Mr. Chong have not added our notes marks. So I left it unclear. However, I got 71/105 for Paper 1 and Paper 2, and 19/28 for Paper 3.

The third paper I received was Islamic Studies, with marks of 94% A1 (91% for Paper 1, 97% for Paper 2). I lose to Amir Hakim, with our difference in marks was just 1%. Nearly beating Amir.

Since I did not sitting for First Examination, so I was disqualified from receving awards for Islamic Studies. Instead, Amir Hakim received that. Congrats.

Well, I have more interest to Al-Quran and As-Sunnah Studies rather than other parts in Islamic Studies. That's why my marks for Paper 2 (Al-Quran and As-Sunnah Studies) is higher than Paper 1 (Faith, Practice, History and Manner Studies).

Then, I received 26/30 for EST Paper 2 and 50/65 for English Paper 2.

Cruel to Myself, Resulting the Unstable, Emotional Emotion

Last Saturday, I had made a very cruel decision, that may looks killing me slowly and slowly. (Refer here)

Today, it really affected my emotion.

In the surau, before performing Zuhur prayer, I became very mad. Why? Because Nadzmi invited Alif Azni to come to my house tomorrow. I did not ask for it, and he terhegeh-hegeh did it, just like treating my house as his.

But, I could not control my emotion. I became very mad and very angry - the 'angriest' moment I had ever felt in my life.

Then, I asked Azlan Nuraqmal as the imam for that prayer, considering my unstable emotion. But, my emotion still at the unstable rate after Zuhur prayer. So, I perform optional prayer after Zuhur prayer, asking from God to guide me.

In the last prostrate in the prayer, I cried as I could, begging from God to guide me. I really could not bear the test. At that time, I thought, the decision I had made really killing me and hurting my feelings.

After the prayer, I washed my face, since I cried too much. To my surprise, I felt the hurting feeling began to fade and fade, but still leaving the traces in my heart.

Thanks, God! All praise is for You!